“Lonely as f***” S1.5E01 part 1 | a fan fiction based on Issa Rae’s INSECURE on HBO

image of insecure's issa rae looking lonely as f

image of insecure's issa rae looking lonely as f“I told that b*** that I didn’t want onions. Da f*** is this?!” Molly drew a long translucent sliver out of her plate, pinched between her freshly manicured fingers.

“It’s Indian food,” mumbled Issa. “Maybe they can’t take the onions out.”

“B**** is you high?” asked Molly. “It’s not curry. It’s onions! You can take that sh** out and it would still be an authentic Indian cuisine! This that sh** I don’t like…pisses me off when folks don’t listen…”

Issa gave a groan of acknowledgement at her friend’s distress and proceeded to return to moving the curry goat and rice around her plate with her fork. She had barely eaten any of it, but the food was well acquainted with her fork and well-traveled around the 360-degrees around the 9-inch diameter of the plate. Her eyes, locked on the plate, saw nothing. It was only with the eyes of her mind that she saw again and again visions of a man that told her “I can’t wait to see you when you get home”. This man who mutilated her heart by leaving her after four years with nothing to show for it, but his spare key on the kitchen counter. This was all she saw.

“Issa…” Molly’s voice seasoned with the sound of annoyance that refused to be ignored came crashing into Issa’s miserable fantasy. “B****, please tell me you are not still thinking about Lawrence. It’s been a month! This sh** is getting old as f***.”

Issa sucked air between her teeth in an attempt to come across as less tense than she actually was. “B****, I’m not.”

“Mmm hmmm….” Molly rolled her eyes in disbelief.

“I’m not thinkin’ about his a**. I told you before, I’m moving on.”

“Good,” Molly said, dropping her fork on her plate and signaling for the Indian waitress at the next table.

“But you know…” Issa began with her eyes wide with thought, “if I try to move on and he’s like…you know…still thinking about…you know…like…what if he’s still…”

“The man hasn’t called, texted, snapped, chatted or tweeted your a** in a month, Issa. A MONTH! He has moved on. Ma’am,” Molly began to address the waitress who had been watching her exchange with Issa from 3 feet away. “I said no onions. Is that not something y’all can do?”

“We’ll get you another one,” the lady said as she grabbed the plate.

“B*** , get it together!” Molly says sternly.

The Indian waitresses looked back at Molly with shock.

“Not you,” Molly reassured her. “Issa, you gotta get over this dude. I’m only saying this right now, because I know you would want your friend to keep it 100 with you, but…you look sorry as hell right now. You shirt got ketchup on it, your elbows are looking ashy…like you been breaking bricks with them like karate…”

“I ran out of cocoa butter…” Issa whined.

“It’s a million Rite Aids in LA, did Lawrence your last five dollars along with your self esteem?”

“Don’t say his name,” said Issa sadly.

“This ain’t the Issa I know. Need I remind you what a wack boyfriend he was?” snapped Molly.

“What do you mean?” asked Issa.

“That n**** didn’t have a job for the longest. You supported his ass for 3 years and this is the thanks he gives you? That’s some bullsh**,” Molly explained.

The Indian waitress brought Molly a fresh plate. Molly began to pick at the food with her fork, searching for signs of onions.

“Yea, but he was getting himself together…” Issa moaned.

Molly gave Issa a look as though to say “If you defend him to me, I swear to God…”

“You know what, I think you’re right,” Issa spoke up in an attempt to sound confident, but her eyes betrayed her. “I’m gonna forget about that n****. He’s played out anyway. He’s just….he’s just…Molly, I need some…I need some words. Tell me why he’s played out.”

Molly dropped her fork with frustration, “He doesn’t respect you. He mooched off you for three years and then bounced when things got better without even giving the woman who carried him on his back for three years….”

Meanwhile Issa was nodding and staring at Molly intensely as she was trying her best to believe what Molly was telling her.

“You’re better off without him Issa,” Molly finally said with compassion as she reached over and grabbed Issa’s hand.

Issa closed her eyes for a moment and looked away as if to fight back tears.

“You really are,” Molly reassured. “If you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that you guys were not going anywhere in your relationship from day one, and he was wishy washy the whole time. Trust me. Trust ya girl. You are MUCH better off without him. OK?”

Issa nodded, and managed to smile.

“Now, eat ya cold ass basmati,” Molly laughed giving Issa a slight push.

Issa laughed and said, “you really know how to make a girl feel better…that’s why I f***s with you.”

They laughed and chatted the rest of the evening. What Molly didn’t know was that later that night, Issa lay in bed cradling herself in the fetal position and weeping all night.

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